I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
