I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
