Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
