I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
