yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
