Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
