i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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