I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
