please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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