Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
