Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
