did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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