we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
