Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
