just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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