would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
