A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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