trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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