my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
