He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
