sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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