i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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