i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
