My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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