A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to make out with him forever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
