I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
