I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize