What a fucking waste of an outfit
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
