I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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