yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
