the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
