Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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