i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
