I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
