$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
