TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
