he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
