i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
