i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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