Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
