it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
