i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize