u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize