I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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