I want to make a zoo with you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
