My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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