she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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