Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
