I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
