Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
