My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
