Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
