dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
