I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
