You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
