Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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