so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
