smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your tits are I can't wait for
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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