halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
