Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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