Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
