worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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