youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
