i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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