So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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