90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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