This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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