I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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