I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
