can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
